Looking forward

Important news first - Rich is doing good and will be home later today. I am, to say the least, very relieved. I had to wait 8 hours (and one minute, precisely!) from when he sent a text to say he was closing his phone to receiving another to say he was out of surgery, feeling fine and all went well. An interminably long time, particularly for one who lacks patience. I am very lucky that I had some dear friends supporting me at the time, namely Maisy, Zaira and in particular, Silk, who was with me on SL and shared my relief as he witnessed me receiving the text message from my puppet. Thank you, my friends.

Aside from that, I'm still feeling pretty sick, but I think I'm a little better than yesterday. I'll know for sure later as the day progresses, right now I'm still in bed, drinking tea, but my head feels a little clearer.

I read Rich's last blog entry with interest. For me it raises an issue that I think many D/s couples encounter. Rich commented that he was pretty pissed off that I told him he would not be going back on SL on Sunday. I knew at the time it had bothered him because he went silent for a few seconds after I said it. Sometimes, when control is taken from a sub they really do resent it, especially if you are not physically there taking anything from them in a 'use me' sense. The fact is, I was too sick to be online, Rich had had many hours on SL already - more than I usually permit him, actually, but because he was on a roll, he wanted to keep that ball rolling. He wasn't thinking of me, or serving me, he simply wanted to be on SL to enjoy himself, for his own reasons. Nothing wrong with that, of course, he's entited to some enjoyment, but he is MY slave, let's not forget that. Now, I, being sick and being a long way from him, am unable to fully exert my dominance over him and this was one way I could, albeit only a little, but it was important for me. I was feeling very left out of the loop, missing all the social events etc., I was missing my boys and my friends and I was miserable. I was feeling out of control and this was a way to take a little control back. In the past, he had been restricted to two hours SL, so here was Rich now, after some five hours perhaps, sulking cos he was told he couldn't have more. I see this type of behaviour happening in many D/s relationships and I think that how we, as Dommes, handle it is crucial. This is not a fair, balanced relationship. It is what we choose when we take our respective roles. Of course we give our subs treats etc., but we do that when we choose, not when they do.

It seems that in the early days of a relationship, subs/slaves love those things they sometimes come to resent later on. I remember Rich saying how wonderful it was that I didn't have to explain, I just made decisions because it was what I wanted and he was practically ecstatic that he had met a Domme who genuinely put her needs first, who truly wanted a slave to serve her. I have to smile at my puppet now when he loses focus, he has a long way to go and needs constantly reminding that he is an owned slave who needs to put me before himself, but when you get to this stage of a relationship (coming up five months), the initial flush of excitement is wearing off and the real learning and growth begins. If more resentment grows and devotion starts to diminish, then you know you have a problem. However, I am pretty confident this is not the case with my puppet. Training a sub/slave takes time and energy and a lot of effort. You need to be strong, to overcome moments of doubt and sometimes that is hard. Putting our relationship out there on our respective blogs is also a risky business, but it's so important that we do it  honestly and openly because for me, it's a learning curve and, I hope, helps others who may find things to discuss and consider in their own relationships.

Rich and I will meet in RL in just over three month's time and then we will take another great step forward. In the meantime, he can continue to baulk a little and feel rattled at my decisions and choices, as long as he does as he's told and it pleases me, we'll be fine. After all, that's what it's all about, isn't it? *grins*.

I am feeling tired again so I'm going to lie back down. Thanks for reading, all comments here or at destiny.teardrop@gmail.com are very much welcome.

A great song, and a cool video,  that also says something about long distance relationships: Phil Collins, 'Two Hearts' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SidxJz94Svs&ob=av2e