And the beat goes on....

It's been a busy few days at work, as always, but the week is flying by and it will soon be the weekend again. It gets worse the older I get. I sometimes wish I could stop the clock, but then I wish I could fast forward to next February. Nobody ever said long distance relationships are easy, quite the opposite, but it's particularly trying for me when a) Rich has this procedure still in limbo followed by a massive healthy living campaign and b) I need his real life service more and more every day. When he was out on the road he had the trucker lifestyle in which to let out all his macho male tendencies, now he is twiddling his thumbs and doesn't have that release valve. He seems to need to be constantly reined back in and reminded of who he is and what he is to me. The saving grace is that I do know who he really is and what he really wants, but he still kicks back, even when he doesn't admit it or realise he is doing it.

Rich is, as he has said on his blog, a recovering alcoholic. Six years now without a drink, but of course, it only takes one to be back on that slippery slope and as a former nicotine addict myself, I totally relate to it. I gave up smoking three years ago. I would love a cigarette some days, but I know that one would never be enough and the truth is, I hate the smell of it and everything that goes with it, but I was addicted - it is a very powerful drug. Anyway, Rich attends his AA meetings and mentors others too. I'm very proud that he does that. His group is very important to his sobriety, to his very life and I completely and totally respect that. I imagine that within his group, Rich is very open, loved and able to love back, knowing that he is accepted and loved not in spite of his faults, but because of them, just as everyone else in the group is. However, my wonderful boy is not very good at accepting love outside of his AA group. I remember when we first met how he was quite adamant that he didn't believe in love/romance within a D/s BDSM lifestyle. That has changed now, but it is still hard for him to accept that I can be his stern Domme, but also love him. He still struggles a fair bit with understanding that my love for him means that his well-being is absolutely crucial and vital to our relationship and that I adore him and find him very, very worthy of my love and attention. As he reads this, he will shudder and blush and splutter a bit....but he needs to read it here, to see that I say it out in the open, in public. He needs to know that I am proud of him. Proud to own, proud to know him and proud to love him. He also needs to quit his doubting and kicking back. He needs to start believing that he deserves happiness and that I am, pretty much without doubt, the key to that happiness and he will know that for sure come February.

So yeah, roll on February. :)

Stevie Wonder - 'Knocks Me Off My Feet' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwSuPXMHhaE&feature=related