A new day

Our first heavy snow fall in the south and school was closed today. I went out and walked in it, fed the ducks and marvelled at nature. I love the snow. It's crisp, pure whiteness symbolises newness, a fresh start.

I haven't blogged for several days, didn't feel able to, no incentive, but today I want to, I don't know where I'm going with this, but I want to share some thoughts and feelings.

I'm healing. I can feel it. I'm not sure I'll ever be the same again and that is no bad thing, but I am healing. I miss Rich, but he and I have made our peace. I want him to be happy, more than anything, I mean that. I know he has started a new job today and I'm sure this will be great for his sense of self-worth and his personal development. He is a good man. I firmly believe that I'm healing because I've forgiven him for hurting me. Forgiveness is, to me, the key to everything. Too many times I see people carrying hurt around inside because of stubborn pride, or anger and a lack of forgiveness. People make mistakes, people change and grow. I truly believe that most people are not liars or cheats and most do not want to hurt anyone, but they do, we all do, because we are human. This sounds rather like a sermon, maybe it is. I'm not one who follows a prescribed religion, as such, but I am quite a spiritual person. I just need to put some love out there into the cosmos, there's been a lot of negativity and pain with my friends, particularly on SL and that kind of negative energy is not good for our community.

I think it's important to look at ourselves and why we harbour hatred and lack of forgiveness. Obviously, if somebody gains your forgiveness and deliberately repeats their actions then you need to block them out of your life, I've done this myself. However, 99% of those people who have hurt me on SL and in my RL, both friends and lovers/subs, I can honestly say I have forgiven, because lack of forgiveness was hurting me far more than them and was non-productive. I didn't help me to heal or move on. I'm not saying we should all be holier than thou and weak, in fact I think forgiveness takes a great deal of strength, but I honestly believe that continuing to feel angry and spiteful towards those who hurt me, would eat away at me and cause me to be ill. I was ill for a while this past week and a half, until today. I had a headache for days and days, I felt dizzy, sick. Today I feel good, I'm happy to be alive and I have no hatred or anger in my heart. Walking in the snow put things into perspective for me. I thought of my friend, Buckie, whose life was cut short so young, and I resolved not to waste my life chewed up with bitterness and resentment. I love life.

My direction is certain, although the exact route isn't clear, but I know that destiny has it all in hand. That direction is full steam ahead - with life.

Stevie Wonder, 'Love's in Need of Love Today' http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-z2LNsifEzg