I had a couple of days off work earlier this week, I was feeling quite unwell still, couldn't keep my eyes open, sore throat and just general exhaustion. I'm sure it felt worse due to stress. Anyhow, I am feeling a fair bit better now, although I am still tired pretty much all of the time. It's a very tiring and trying time at work right now, but it will ease up soon.
As for the happenings in my personal life: I'm in a much better place emotionally now. I am at the 'it's his loss' stage and actually believing it. He is so history! *winks*
I think so many people go through their lives holding back on what they truly want and need. For many years I did the same, suppressing my desires and restricting myself, preventing myself from attaining real and complete fulfillment and happiness. It is risky to actually reach for the stars and then, when you touch one, to keep hold of it. No more. I now have a net in which I catch the stars, falling ones, shooting ones.....and then I tie it up tight and secure them so they can't escape!
I haven't been on SL much this past week. It's a demanding place to be and I've not had the emotional energy to deal with it. However, I've been back a couple of times in the past few days and it's been good to be around my friends again. I miss my boy, Hylarks, a lot. His recent work schedule means he is rarely online during my waking hours. It's not a good situation, but he is my boy and we have a deep and prevailing bond that will keep us together, no matter what.
Mat and I are spending more time together now, he's sorting out some things in RL and will be visiting the UK in a couple of weeks, so I'll be spending time getting to know him in the flesh, trying him out for size, as they say. I'm excited by him, but I will readily admit that I'm reluctant to get too excited or expect too much after recent disappointments. My heart has a protective shield around it at the moment, it's not quite smash-proof, but it IS made of reinforced steel! Mat says and does all the right things, so far. The fact that we knew each other several years ago is a curse and a blessing. I have memories of the past that warm my heart, but some that I'd rather forget. However, we were different people then, with different lives and SL was a game. Now it isn't. Our relationship then was very much SL based, with a tiny bit of chat via other online medium. Now it is more Yahoo/Skype with some SL. It's now about us as real people, not us as avatars. That makes a whole lot of difference. He has made this week bearable, he has given me new hope, and whilst I am, as I said, cautious, I am also optimistic and smiling.
I didn't go to the munch on Friday. I was just too shattered after finishing work, so I lay down and slept for a while. However, I do now have a hankering for some play and BDSM chat in real environments, so I'll be well and truly ready for the next club event at the end of the month. That week will be a mad one for me. I'm moving home on the 27th, so I'll be packing in the days preceding then. I'm really looking forward to having my own place, with privacy, once again.
I've been thinking a lot about fantasy and reality. There are definitely some things that are better kept as fantasy. However, some fantasies become even greater when they are a reality. We can't control our realities, not totally, but we can control our fantasies. Unless we experiment and take that step into the unknown, how do we know if the reality is going to be better/worse than the fantasy? Of course that is a rhetorical question, as we don'tknow, we can't know, but it's all about risk, as I have said so many times before. It's also about accepting that in any relationship you are working with someone else's desires and fantasies and that is always going to effect how things turn out. I have a very strong cuckcolding fantasy, I don't know if it will ever become real or if I even want it to. It might destroy my fantasy, which is great masturbation stimulus, and that would never do!
Two more weeks then I have a week's holiday - hooray! In the meantime, here is a pic of my new best friends:
You can't be miserable when you talk to ducks, especially when they have ducklings!
An uplifting song, great and true lyrics, for Mat from me, with love and lots of optimism - Lionel Richie - 'You Are My Destiny'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNmDgRwNFsI
As for the happenings in my personal life: I'm in a much better place emotionally now. I am at the 'it's his loss' stage and actually believing it. He is so history! *winks*
I think so many people go through their lives holding back on what they truly want and need. For many years I did the same, suppressing my desires and restricting myself, preventing myself from attaining real and complete fulfillment and happiness. It is risky to actually reach for the stars and then, when you touch one, to keep hold of it. No more. I now have a net in which I catch the stars, falling ones, shooting ones.....and then I tie it up tight and secure them so they can't escape!
I haven't been on SL much this past week. It's a demanding place to be and I've not had the emotional energy to deal with it. However, I've been back a couple of times in the past few days and it's been good to be around my friends again. I miss my boy, Hylarks, a lot. His recent work schedule means he is rarely online during my waking hours. It's not a good situation, but he is my boy and we have a deep and prevailing bond that will keep us together, no matter what.
Mat and I are spending more time together now, he's sorting out some things in RL and will be visiting the UK in a couple of weeks, so I'll be spending time getting to know him in the flesh, trying him out for size, as they say. I'm excited by him, but I will readily admit that I'm reluctant to get too excited or expect too much after recent disappointments. My heart has a protective shield around it at the moment, it's not quite smash-proof, but it IS made of reinforced steel! Mat says and does all the right things, so far. The fact that we knew each other several years ago is a curse and a blessing. I have memories of the past that warm my heart, but some that I'd rather forget. However, we were different people then, with different lives and SL was a game. Now it isn't. Our relationship then was very much SL based, with a tiny bit of chat via other online medium. Now it is more Yahoo/Skype with some SL. It's now about us as real people, not us as avatars. That makes a whole lot of difference. He has made this week bearable, he has given me new hope, and whilst I am, as I said, cautious, I am also optimistic and smiling.
I didn't go to the munch on Friday. I was just too shattered after finishing work, so I lay down and slept for a while. However, I do now have a hankering for some play and BDSM chat in real environments, so I'll be well and truly ready for the next club event at the end of the month. That week will be a mad one for me. I'm moving home on the 27th, so I'll be packing in the days preceding then. I'm really looking forward to having my own place, with privacy, once again.
I've been thinking a lot about fantasy and reality. There are definitely some things that are better kept as fantasy. However, some fantasies become even greater when they are a reality. We can't control our realities, not totally, but we can control our fantasies. Unless we experiment and take that step into the unknown, how do we know if the reality is going to be better/worse than the fantasy? Of course that is a rhetorical question, as we don'tknow, we can't know, but it's all about risk, as I have said so many times before. It's also about accepting that in any relationship you are working with someone else's desires and fantasies and that is always going to effect how things turn out. I have a very strong cuckcolding fantasy, I don't know if it will ever become real or if I even want it to. It might destroy my fantasy, which is great masturbation stimulus, and that would never do!
Two more weeks then I have a week's holiday - hooray! In the meantime, here is a pic of my new best friends:
An uplifting song, great and true lyrics, for Mat from me, with love and lots of optimism - Lionel Richie - 'You Are My Destiny'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNmDgRwNFsI
Yes, indeed, as You say, it IS his loss Miss. on so many levels.
ReplyDeleteSL is demanding, epically for You with IM's all over the place and all the time. i am glad that You and Hylarks got together and That relationship is healthy and thriving .
Re Mat and RL. Yes i would expect that there will be a shock of recognition when the T/two of Y/you met at last. Things will seem familiar and yet the person will be in some ways a stranger. It is, i imagine, a bit like meeting a famous Media personality face to face. You THINK that you know them better than You do.. well i have every faith that such things will prove to be only speed bumps, not road blocks to You.
i am glad that You are making plans to attend another RL BDSM Munch. The timing is unfortunate, perhaps attending might be delayed to another time (.. and there will be other times) in hops of not overtiring You and lessening Your enjoyment and participation ?
i have had issues with reconciling the two.. that may say more about me and my vivid imagination.. and it must be considered that You are more level headed and have a better grasp on dealing with reality than i do.. grins
Regarding risk and hurt.. i refer You to Don Marquis's delightful archy and mehitabel and the lesson of the moth
i was talking to a moth
the other evening
he was trying to break into
an electric light bulb
and fry himself on the wires
why do you fellows
pull this stunt i asked him
because it is the conventional
thing for moths or why
if that had been an uncovered
candle instead of an electric
light bulb you would
now be a small unsightly cinder
have you no sense
plenty of it he answered
but at times we get tired
of using it
we get bored with the routine
and crave beauty
and excitement
fire is beautiful
and we know that if we get
too close it will kill us
but what does that matter
it is better to be happy
for a moment
and be burned up with beauty
than to live a long time
and be bored all the while
so we wad all our life up
into one little roll
and then we shoot the roll
that is what life is for
it is better to be a part of beauty
for one instant and then cease to
exist than to exist forever
and never be a part of beauty
our attitude toward life
is come easy go easy
we are like human beings
used to be before they became
too civilized to enjoy themselves
and before i could argue him
out of his philosophy
he went and immolated himself
on a patent cigar lighter
i do not agree with him
myself i would rather have
half the happiness and twice
the longevity
but at the same time i wish
there was something i wanted
as badly as he wanted to fry himself
archy
http://www.donmarquis.com/archy/
Best wishes as always Miss
Quacky