Saturday, 7 May 2011

Burst Bubble

Pop! It burst, just like that. The week long bubble of happiness I was living in, very suddenly, went bang, this morning.

My RL boy has changed his mind and decided he doesn't want to be a 24/7 slave. I'm very confused and saddened as it was all done via email. I'm very hurt that he didn't even talk to me personally, at least on the telephone, if not face to face. I still don't really understand, but I guess the likely explanation is that he jumped in too soon and woke up today with the realisation that the reality of being a slave is not how he had fantasised it would be.

What makes me even sadder is that after several hours of thinking, crying, self-doubt and a few emails between us, he ended his last email very unkindly and harshly. I know I didn't deserve that.

We had been together a lot this past week and had almost constant communication. I thought we were close, I thought we were happy. I thought we had a future.

I'm hurting badly right now. I still can't quite believe the about-turn that has happened. I really feel like just throwing the towel in. On top of all that, I'm also sick with a sore throat, so that makes things even worse. 

Most of all though, I'm just so very sad. It seems that the boy of my dreams really does only exist in my dreams.

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4 comments:

  1. Anonymous7 May 2011 at 23:16

    i don't presume to say that i am as shocked as You are. but i am profoundly moved..

    As You say.. it seemed to come right out of the blue... well sometime, people with the best intent.. get in over there heads.. rushing along.. but even so.. is making an exit a lost art ?

    our worth is in how we act when we are under stress. it is a time to rise to one's best.. or not

    i am deeply sorry that You were inflicted with the "not". You certainly deserve much better..

    i know that You are ill and hope that You will be taking the time You need.. to do what You need..

    You know where to find me if You need me Miss.

    silk

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  2. Jerbo8 May 2011 at 13:34

    It is so hard to believe that one that seemed so dedicated could do this to you Miss. I mean, even if it was not what he thought it should be, he should have at the very least said he was trying and seek encouragement and guidance from you Miss, and then together you both could see if it were right for him.

    But then again, my only experience for a D/s relationship has been on SL and does not qualify me to offer any opinion or suggestion in the matter. My only endeavor to seek such realism has been to stealthily serve my wife in as many ways as possible. And there is only so much joy in doing laundry or the dishes or cleaning house Miss..lol

    However, knowing you Miss, you will take this as just another experience and move on to even better things. I hope that your venture as House Mistress is still giving you some reward in your needs Miss. At least I would hope you have that to help you through this time. What better thing than to have a whole household of boys to help ease your pain. :) I can only dream (as a submissive) of what you have in real life that I do not have Miss. And it is through you that as Lady Gabrielle said in a comment, I can live vicariously in my submission.

    You are always a bright and shining star that keeps me on a straight path and I wish you all the very best. I am very sure that one day, you WILL find that boy of your dreams Miss.

    My deepest affection Miss and hugs.

    Jerry

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  3. Janice Jupiter8 May 2011 at 17:11

    I'm really sorry to hear about this Destiny. It's his loss. *hugs*

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  4. Anonymous9 May 2011 at 04:53

    This breaks my heart! I have been so thrilled reading of your exploration, growth, and realization of your dreams. Your dream boy does exist, Destiny. He is out there. Please don't lose heart or faith.

    Gabrielle

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